my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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