he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Mom said you looked used
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
