I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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