Me too!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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