I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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