I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
