Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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