I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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