i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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