I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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