i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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