it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
