I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
