It's Friday. Sex?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
