so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize