Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
