this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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