i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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