I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
