my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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