I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
