soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
