I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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