Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
