I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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