6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
