all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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