So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The adults are the big ones right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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