watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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