Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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