Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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