I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I smell stomach acid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ttyl tear gas
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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