Me. At least after what I've been through.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
