Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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