I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize