whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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