Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize