It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
