your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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