I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
