I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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