your room smells of hookers.
And success
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have already put on my inside pants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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