Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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