nutella sex= disaster
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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