I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize