she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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