Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
