Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
