I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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