We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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