He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
