i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
