She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize