he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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