He told me they were just razor bumps!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
