She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
