So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
