Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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