he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
