I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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