think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
