he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize