I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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